If Today Was Your Last Day
by leggylover03
Summary: What if today was your last day, what would you do?


Title: If Today Were Your Last Day

Summary: What if today were your last day, what would you do?  
A/N: AU fic of course.

Estel sat at the table contemplating how to hide his spinach when he heard the door slam open and Glorfindel came to his father's side. Whispers went on for several minutes and of course now Estel was even more curious. Elrond looked to Elladan and Elrohir. "Could you take Estel to his room and then meet me in the healing ward?"

"Aye, is there something wrong Ada?"

Elrond didn't miss the now completely attentive Estel. "There are a few men who have need of a healer."

Elladan and Elrohir knew that the injuries could be severe, and they tried to shelter Estel from such horrors when they could. There was no need to traumatize the child. Taking Estel by the hand Elladan led him towards the door when Estel turned around and ran to Elrond. "Will the men be all right Ada?"

Telling a six year old child that someone may die was never easy, and Elrond couldn't find it within himself to say it. "Only the Valar know Estel. I will do all that I can, but one of them is very old."

Elladan led Estel to his room and gave Estel his parchment and writing pencil. "Perhaps you could draw the men a picture Estel to cheer them." Estel agreed and went about making a drawing, though it was childlike it was also one of the sun outside and the hills and trees of Imladris. "A very nice drawing indeed Estel."

"Can I go give it to them now?"

"I am afraid not Estel. You must stay here until the evening meal, as Elrohir and I must go and try to help Ada." Estel pouted, but did not try to follow.

"All will heal nicely, but I am afraid that Cairn will not. His body is tired, he will be ready soon to join his ancestors in the Halls of Mandos."

"Ada, are you sure? Is there nothing we can do?"

Elrond looked tired. "There is nothing within my powers to do. He is not in any pain. As a matter of fact he has come to peace with what is happening."

The three elves departed the room to go and wash up for the evening meal. Each were saddened, as death was not something elves were used to seeing.

Estel had waited and waited an no one was coming for him. His stomach was already rumbling. His Ada had often said he would surely eat them out of house and home before he was grown, but Estel didn't think so, he thought the cook would never let him have that many honey cakes.

Taking his picture with him he went in search of his brothers in the healing ward. Peeking inside the door he didn't see them, but he did see an old man, his hair white, sitting up in his bed. Estel didn't want to bother the man but maybe he needed his Ada.

Taking a few steps into the room Estel went quietly over to the bed and stood. "Who would you be young man?" the old man asked him.

"My name is Estel."

"An elven name for an adan child, how unusual. My name is Cairn."

"Are you sick Cairn?"

"Nay, young Estel. I am not sick."

"Do you have boo boos? Ada heals those really good. He gives me a bandage and then kisses me on my cheek and lets me have honey cake."

Cairn laughed. "I have no boo boos as you say and it has been many years since I have had honey cakes. I am afraid I am dying young one and today shall probably be my last day in Arda."

Estel's eyes filled with tears at the discovery. "Why are you dying Cairn?"

"It is my time young one. I shall be reunited with those I have long since seen, and I shall once again feel young."

Estel laid the picture down on the bed and took Cairn's hand in his own. "Can't you be young here? Do you have to go away to feel young?"

Cairn had never had such a question posed to him. "I have done as every ranger has done for so many years I do not recall the last time I did anything just for fun. It is not an easy job to hunt orcs and keep the lands safe."

Estel climbed onto the bed then. "What would you like to do then Cairn? Ada says I have too much fun all the time. Restor says if I do not settle down my head will be filled with nothing but frilly thoughts?"

Cairn again laughed, "Frivolous thoughts are good thoughts to have when one is young, for far too soon you grow up."

"What did you do when you were young Cairn?"

Cairn closed his eyes and recalled his youth like it were just the day before. "I would often garner my father's wrath for running through the meadow barefoot, only to jump into the lake and go for a swim. I would eat honey cakes till I had a stomach ache, and then I would sit up and watch the stars until I fell asleep listening to my mother's lullaby's.

"We have a river! Want to go run through the meadow with me? Ada says I can't go unless a grown up goes with me and you are a grown up."

"I shouldn't," Cairn said, and then he thought again. "You know Estel. I shall come with you. I do not wish to spend my last hours sitting here in this bed."

Estel smiled. "If today were my last day I would do everything I could because you can't get into trouble right? Why would anyone want to spend their last day in bed. Grown ups make no sense at all."

Cairn took Estel's hand and with shaky steps he got his bearings. "No one has ever been more right."

It was a slow process but eventually they made it outside, and the feel of the warm sun on his face made Cairn feel wonderful in that moment. It was as if the very spirit of the boy was racing through him, just from the simple touch of the small hand in his, "Shall we go to the river?"

"Ok, but it rained yesterday so we should take out shoes off so Ada won't yell at us for tracking mud into the house." Cairn slid off his slippers, and Estel took off his boots, leaving them in the middle of the garden as they took off for the meadow.

Elrond had felt a bit better after a nice long soak in the bath, and now just wanted to see the bright shining face of his son. Elrond had bad days before but the endless questions, and innocent smiles of his youngest always lifted his spirits. Perhaps he would let Estel sit up a bit longer tonight, read him an extra story, something they didn't normally have time for. Carefully he opened the bedroom door in case the child had fallen asleep, but when he stepped inside no Estel was to be found.

"Elladan!" he yelled, bringing his son quickly into the room. "Where is Estel? I thought I ask you to bring him here."

Elladan scanned the room and balcony. "We did Ada. I told him to stay here till we returned. Perhaps he went to the healing ward as he was drawing a picture for the men."

Elrond strode swiftly to the door and down the hall to the healing ward. Once inside his eyes fell upon the empty bed where Cairn had been. "Tari, has the old gentleman passed?"

Tari shook her head no. "Lord Elrond, he was there but an hour ago. I left to mix the herbs in the back room. He couldn't have gotten far."

"He should not have gotten anywhere at all. You must learn to keep a close eye on your patients Tari. What will his family think when they arrive tomorrow? Should I tell him that we have lost their father, and that he wandered away to die alone in the woods?"

Elrond knew he was being harsh, but the fact that Estel was also gone was fraying his nerves. After a calming breath he spoke again. "Stay here and watch the others patients. I do not any others to leave this room." He then turned to Elladan. "You and Elrohir search the house and the gardens, and I will search the Brunien and the river."

Elladan's face paled. "Ada, you do not think that Estel .... that Cairn"

"I do not know. Your brother may be down in the kitchens for all we know. Go, look for him and if you search the house and do not find him alert Erestor to assemble a search party."

Elrond gathered his thoughts. He couldn't .... no he wouldn't think about the what ifs. He would find Estel, scold him for leaving without telling anyone, and then .... then he would hold him close making sure he was all right.

Estel and Cairn made it past the meadow where they relished in the feel of the wet grass on their feet and the mud squishing between their toes on the banks of the river. "Come on Cairn, the water will feel nice. It is hot today, and I am not allowed past my waist without an adult."

Cairn stared at the silvery water of the Brunien. Often he had crossed a river on horseback, or gathered water for a trip in one of the many streams along the trail, but not in a long time had he bothered to stare at the reflection of the sun off the water. How long had it been since he had watched the waves of water ripple across his bare feet as stood on the shore as if it beckoned him to leap into it? He stepped in, the brisk cold of the river giving him a chill. "I know it is cold, but you get used to it," Estel explained.

Cairn shook his head. "It is a good feeling on such a warm day. Cairn laid back and let the water carry him over to Estel. For the next half hour they both floated on their backs, the sun warming their faces, until they heard the shout from the bank. "Estel!" Elrond shouted, flinging his robes off and jumping into the water.

Estel had been so startled he gulped in a bit of water, and was now choking and sputtering, trying to catch his breath. Elrond was beside him in a minute pulling the coughing child out of the water with one hand, and offering the other to Cairn.

Once all three were on dry land, Elrond took a look at Estel and saw that he was shivering, the sun having gone behind the trees. "Ada, are you mad?" he stuttered out between chattering teeth.

Elrond glanced at Cairn, and then to Estel. "I am not angry, I was just worried. Erestor probably has amassed the entire of Imladris to hunt for you. We need to get you back home and into some dry clothes. Elrond wanted to scold Cairn as well, but what could you tell a dying man that would matter.

Before they had made it halfway back across the meadow Erestor came running towards them. "Lord Elrond you have found him!" He took Estel from Elrond and looked him over.

"If you would Erestor, take Estel into the house and draw him a warm bath." Erestor left, fussing over Estel, and cuddling him as if he were much smaller.

"Your son, he is remarkable. He has a gift with people, something that makes the entire room light up when he speaks."

Elrond placed an arm around Cairn and carried most of his weight. "He does indeed. That is why I named him Estel, for he brings hope where there is none."

"Nay, he brings life to those who have forgotten it," Cairn said as they entered the house. After his own warm bath, Cairn was given fresh clothing, and went to take a seat on the balcony.

Elrond entered a little while later, carrying a new clean and dry Estel with him. "He wished to see you before bed, and I could not say no."

"Will you sit with me for a few moments?" Elrond took a seat on the balcony as well, Estel in his lap. "The stars are so bright tonight, like small beacons of light to somewhere far away." When Elrond did not comment Cairn went on. "When I was a child I would sit and stare at the stars with my mother. I wandered then how far away they were, what made them so bright. Tonight I wander the same thing, I see them with the same fascination I once did."

Elrond looked down at Estel who seemed to be drifting into a fitful sleep. "The stars are those who wait for us, to guide us home when it is our time. They are always there, whether we see them or not." Knowing Estel was restless, and not wishing a night of bad dreams Elrond began the lullaby he used to sing to the twins when they were young.

Cairn smiled, a peacefulness taking him over as he glanced once again into the night sky, and then he closed his eyes, the smile still not leaving his face. Elrond gathered Estel up in his arms and carried him to his own bed and then returned for Cairn. Gently he picked him up and laid him on the bed, covering him with the sheet, though only as if in sleep. Tomorrow they would hold a service. Tomorrow when his family arrived, they would know all about his last hours on Arda, and how he treasured them.

All around elves and men alike were somber. Cairn had been laid to rest, but his family seemed inconsolable distraught that they had not been able to say good-bye before he left. Words left unspoken had made the hurt worse, and now they had nothing to help them get over their grief. Elrond gathered them all in the Hall of Fire, and once each was seated, he stood. "I am sorry to say I didn't know Cairn for very long, but in the time I did he showed me that life is full of riches that we do not always see. He taught me that even I need to stop and treasure the moments we have with our family, for each day is a blessing from Eru. He asked me if today was my last day where would I go, what would I do, and I found myself saying I did not know. He told me what he wished, and that was to enjoy his last day, have it filled with the exuberance of life of youth, and to forget all but that day."

His family's muffled sobs grew louder, and his Uncle spoke. "What did he say to tell his family? What message if any did he have for us?"

Elrond pulled a piece of parchment from his robe. He left this poem for you. He write it with shaking hands in the healing ward and asked that I read it today. Elrond swallowed the lump in his own throat and opened the paper.

_I sit and remember when my life was full of fear._

_Of the things that happened I can see them so clear._

_They marred my once innocent soul inside._

_For they took me on the darkest ride._

_The child with believing eyes._

_They told me naught but lies._

_There I was left upon the road._

_Where it led no one knows._

_Promises of forever they claimed._

_Yet they left as fast as the pouring rain._

_Then a stranger reached out his hand._

_And took me away from the darkened land._

_A smile he wore upon his face._

_And all the dark images were erased._

_All my inner fears were washed away._

_As I stepped into heaven today._

_Mother, father cry for me no more._

_I am waiting for you here at heaven's door._

Elrond left the paper with the now silent room and gathered Estel up in his arms, taking Elladan and Elrohir by the hand. "Come, today we are going to enjoy the day as if it were our last."


End file.
